i'm nothing without you

you found me.
all alone smoking my last cigarette.
where were you when everything was falling apart?

just a few pictures that i took.

you will be a hot dancer

I’m so tired of people being co concerned with what other people think.
I just don’t give a fuck.
I do what I want.
I wear what I want.
I listen to what I want.
I smoke what I want.
I drink what I want.
I say what I want.
I read what I want.
I hang out with whoever I want.
I go where ever I want.
…It’s simple. Stop caring about things that you can’t control.
Everyone is going to have an opinion about you. Why should you worry about everyone’s opinion? As long as you’re happy who gives a shit about what some guy or girl thinks about you?
Next story.
Iiiiiiiiii quit my job.
My supervisor just pissed me off again. Like everyday he does. I’m a very nice girl. I’m nice to everyone; I try and help everyone out. But I’m tired of working for/with people who show no gratitude. Why should I try and help others out when they are rude to me anyways? So, I decided a while back just to stick to myself. I don’t talk unless being spoken to. But my supervisor is a complete dumbass and confuses keeping to myself with having a poor attitude. So on Thursday he just started talking to me while I’m doing my job. Crying about retirement and how much he dislikes his boss and saying “I don’t mean to be like this but I have to listen to my boss. I’m not this kind of guy” I told him to bring me the papers for my 2 weeks. And then by time he did I changed my mind and quit right then and walked out. Then I was mad cause I’m thinking “hell yeah I don’t have to go back” then I was like shit. I forgot to clock out.
Ha, I’m retarded.
But anyways.

A few things I’ve been listening to/watching.
Movies
Dedication
How to Deal
High Tension
Hard Candy
Requiem for a Dream
The Uninvited

Music
The album “You can play theses songs with chords” by Death Cab for Cutie
EVERY CD from the years 1995 to 2007 of Incubus
The album “Frankenstein girls will seem strangely hot” by Mindless Self Indulgence.
“Am I not yours?” by Cursive
Blue Foundation
The Black Ghosts
“Headlines” by Neon Blonde
“Peacock skeleton with crooked feathers” by The Blood Brothers
“Love rhymes with hideous car wreck” by The Blood Brothers
Zero 7
The Shins

I am bottled fizzy water and you are shaking me up. You are the fingernail running down the chalkboard I left in the 3rd grade.
- We stopped for some alcohol
and you stayed in the car
The bars had gotten out
that line was so long
and I saw you over on the pay phone well
so I was thinking who do you ever call at one a.m.?
I wondered who that was
Jealousy Jealousy
am I not yours?

What do your friends call you?
Dana pants, D 3po, Eh D, Dino schnookums, Dana pot pie, Danacaust, D 2 1 blastoff, Danaberry, Little D, mini hot pockets, D pockets, Little pockets, Danasauresrex, Little bit, Top Notch Hoe D, Squishy, Dixo Bunny.
-a bunch of weird shit.

I have a lot on my mind. I really don’t know what to do. He’s never been mad at me before. This didn’t start happening until we dated.
But I'm not going to say it was a mistake.
Guitar solos are amazing.
Weird how they make you think..
Maybe that’s just me…

so contagious and unexpected

So a lot of weird things have been going down…
List
Fallout with Anthony.
Benjammen thinks I have a problem.
Paul wants me back.
Brett wants me back.
I’m thinking about quitting Epworth, it’s not even worth it.

I don’t know if I should get back together with either one of them…
Or a better way to rephrase that is if I do… which one? And why?
I mean I love Brett dearly. He’s been my best friend since 10th grade. And we dated for a long time. And Paul is someone that I can actually see myself being with for… let’s say a long time.

I have decided that lemonade and cranberry juice mixed together is delicious.

But anyways… Wow its hard to explain. We were both friends with this girl. And we all 3 hung out together and somehow she turned us against each other. She made up lies of both of us and told each of us and she would text both of us pretending to be one of us and would say horrid things. That girl ruined everything. It was just a damn game to her. She messed it all up and me and Brett were both so mad that we didn’t talk to each other and by time we figured out what had happened and what she did… it was too late. I lost my best friend and my boyfriend.
If you guys haven’t figured out by now I have a lot of best friends and they are all guys. I can relate to them better.
Girls are needy, messy, rude, bitchy, shallow and annoying.
Guys are just real chill. That’s how I am.
Id rather hang out with the guys and drink beer and eat pizza and play video games than hang out with a chick and get manicures and talk about other girls.
It’s messy. And when I say messy I don’t mean like dirty and unsanitary I mean like backstabbing and unnecessary. But everything had just happened so quickly. I bet she’s happy that it ended the way it did. And she would. –stupid ass whore-
She used to show up at my work and try to fight me. And I never would go outside. 1. I was at work, and you really can’t just leave your tables unattended. 2. I didn’t give a shit enough about her to fight her. 3. I wasn’t going to stoop to her level. 4. it was pointless and it wouldn’t fix a damn thing. 5. I would have beat that ass. No wonder someone slashed her tires junior year in the school parking lot. She started shit with everyone. So conceited. So immature.
She said it was because I was scared. But she can think what she wants… the poor girl had no balance anyways. The only thing she was good at was shit talking people.

**These feelings won’t go away. They’ve been knocking me sideways. I keep thinking that in a moment time will take them away. But these feelings wont go away.**

But after all of that me and Brett lost touch. It was the saddest thing to ever happen. I mean I know I always talk about my friends and how they were so awesome and how everything was so unexplainable. And the reason why is because when I’m friends with someone I put my all into that friendship. I don’t slack off. I make it as memorable as possible.
And the same goes for when I date someone. When I find someone that I really like. I fall for him. And I fall hard. I just don’t think you should hold back on the feelings that you have for someone. If I think it, I say it. If I feel it I let them know.
You never know when the last time you’ll see someone. Anything’s possible. I don’t let things go. I’m just all about feelings. I’m full of them. lol. I just don’t want to look back on life and be like I should have said that, I should have done that.
I don’t want to have any regrets. Even though I think that everything happens for a reason. I’ve had good things happen because of bad things that I’ve happened to me.
Nobody said that life would be easy but they promised that it would be worth it. I’m pretty optimistic when it comes to life, love, success and friends. But don’t get me wrong. I do have my days. I do have those days when I wake up and think “what the fuck am I doing with my life” “what purpose am I serving?”
I have my days where I just can’t get out of bed and face the life that is inevitably going to catch up with me. You can’t run away forever.
But anyways! I just got completely sidetracked. Can you tell? I can’t help it. Once I start writing I can’t stop.
But Brett has been calling me everyday now. He wants to be friends again. Go slow and just let it take its natural course. He loves me.
I can’t believe after all of these years he still does.
People tell me I’m stupid to think about getting back together with an ex.
But to me its like- we all make mistakes. And if you think something is worth it then go for it. What’s the worst that could happen? I mean yeah, you could get your heart broken. But I’d rather that happen then think back and be like what if? Everyone deserves a second chance. And who’s to say that it’s not my fault either?

**and we smoke that kush and we ball like swoosh**

I’m being pulled in so many directions.
It’s hard to decide which way I should go.
Or if I should make my own path and go my own way and see what happens.
But I’m scared of the unknown.
I don’t want to face it all alone.
But maybe that’s what I need. To go it alone.
I have to do it someday I suppose.

blue eyes/yellow submarine

I hate the sound of rattling empty cans.
I hate how infomercials can be so captivating.
- I end up watching them and convince myself that the piece of shit salad spinner is something that I just can’t live without.
I hate how everyone is right about everything except me.
I hate that I just said that, because I don’t believe it.
I hate hazelnut flavored coffee…
It’s disgusting.
…I hope this follows through…
I hate that I don’t do my art anymore.
I really just don’t think that I can afford it anymore. I mean… fuck.
Canvas, paint, brushes, film, batteries, photo paper, developing fees, darkroom stuff…
Ugh.
I have my whole mind set on this perfect picture.
I can see it, but I just can’t manage to follow through…
I’m too stuck in the past.
Man, I’m so pissed my dog just ate my whole pack of cigarettes. FUCK.
Seriously? What the fuck?!
Ugh.
Anyways… I talked to one of my friends that helped me figure out a few things that I have been panicking about… so hopefully that will help…
It’s freaking 3:10 am in the morning and I have to get up at 7 am for work. I just think that I’m not going to go to sleep. Because I wont want to get up in the morning.
I really love my job but I hate it as well…
It’s a love hate relationship.
I love the residents but I can’t stand my co-workers.
They’re too negative and bitchy.
I’m going to re-enroll in school. High school was a bitch and college will hopefully be better.
I don’t want to type anymore.

little big planet

Okay, So and update on the pictures below..
It's a new game that I have been playing with Benjammen.
It's called Little Big Planet.
And these are pictures of our characters. I'm the girly character.
they are freaking adorable!

little BIG planet

OH MY GOSH. MY NEW FAVORITEST GAME. =]

y tu mama tambien

Bones sinking like stones
All that we fought for
Homes places we've grown
All of us are done for

And we live in a beautiful world
Yeah we do, yeah we do
We live in a beautiful world

Cause everybody here has somebody to lean on.

So lately...
I don't know what is up with me. First off...
I was SO excited when I got the job at Epworth. I mean, ex tactic. Paul was with me when I got the call and he just stared at me like "wow, you are so excited"
And I was. And now... not so much.
I love the residents but I come to work everyday and when I wake up in the morning I think to myself "Why should I even go to work?" For what? To get trash talked? To have my boss talk shit about me and everyone else that works there?
To hear everybody whine about their job?
It's completely ridiculous.

*Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time*

I can't believe that my job has such a huge effect on my outlook of my day. I can go from 10 to 0 in a matter of minutes.
Next subject.

The weather has been pretty insane lately. But I love it. I hate sunny warm days. I like when there's no sun, dark heavy clouds and rain. It's just so much more amazing.
LIST
Little Big Planet
Macbook
Subway


I stayed the night with Nick a few nights ago we watched 2 fast 2 furious and his mom made us breakfast at midnight. I had to keep stealing the covers back from him.
Then we woke up super early cause he had class and I had work. When I got home i tried so hard to get ready for work and not lay back down and go to sleep. Otherwise I would have been late.
-I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy even though I desperately am. Too close to the truth-
I just don't think I'll ever get over you.

I wish that I could write so much more but I just can't. I can't bring myself to let go and just write. It's really irritating.
Blue Eyes by Cary Brothers
It is an absolutely amazing song.

dAnCiNg iN tHe rAiN

I took these with my phone in the parking lot at work... I wish I had my actual camera..
It was gorgeous.
I slow danced in the rain with my best friend while it was raining in the parking lot at work.