The Loves of My Life

<3 My Amazing Boyfriend <3

Butterflies!

He stopped by!
One word. Breathtaking!
He's going to pick me up tonight.
CAN'T WAIT!
Ah, I'm speechless!

39th and Butterflies

You were in my dream before I even knew that there was a you and me. Now I can't wait to see your smile, when I wake up each day it makes it worth while with the kinda love you plant inside. Specially with a heart so empty as mine. All your soft tenderness is the one thing that I don't wanna miss.

I went on a date last night. With a guy I met on 39th.
His name is Chris. He's 20. He loves cars. And drifting. He's cute. Smart. Passionate. Courteous. He's a gentleman. Walks me to my door at the end of the night.
I really like this guy. He's stopping by in a little bit to say hi. And I'm so excited. But nervous too.
He gives me butterflies and I can't stop smiling.
We went to the lake last night and watched the sun go down. We sat at the edge of the lake and we cuddled and kissed under the blanket. I giggled a lot. He thinks it's cute. And I love that.
He holds my hand even though his car is standard. He doesn't let go, he shifts with his other hand. It's adorable.
I had an amazing time, and I can't wait for the second date..
He's on his way, I have to find my minty lip gloss!
I'll update later!

Gotta' let the truth be told...

For a second I wish the tide would swallow every inch of this city, like a thousand miles of fire.

I know a lot of people that I wish I could help. It’s the worst feeling in the world knowing that someone is hurting on the inside and you cant do anything about it. How can you convince someone that they are worth something, that they deserve to be here, that they have a purpose in life? For example, my friend is possibly the sweetest guy ever. I mean he’s incredibly smart and he has such passion for his hobbies. A lot of things haven’t gone as planned for him but he’s working on it. I know he’s not happy and I really feel like there’s nothing that I can do for him especially since he past drug problems. How can I show him that there is more to life than meth? How can I tell him that there are so many things in his life that are good? He needs to stay around positive people. I just sometimes feel like being there for him and being his friend isn’t enough.

I'm back in Oklahoma. Whoops, typo "Oklahomo"
I've been in Houston for a couple of months. I like it there. It wasn't what I expected. I guess since last summer was so awesome.
I never really liked it here in Oklahoma, but I have my family here. But I have family it two different states. It's really hard to choose between two states and two families.
I think a big reason why I was so disappointed about the trip was because I was hoping to talk to Kevin. I still love him, and that's why it sucked so bad when I didn't even get to talk to him.
I wish that I could get over him, but I just can't. I'm stupid.
Maybe it really wasn't meant to happen..
I'm fucked up, and I know it.
There has to be something wrong with me.
I wish I could figure out what it is that I desperately need to be happy.

Things That I Love

Change everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

Best you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and use this chance to be heard
your time is now

.. Maybe just for a while..

so things have been a little different lately..
i recently just got back from Houston, i spent about almost 2 months there. it really wasn't what i expected it to be.. i guess i just just so excited because i expected it to be just like last summer. that was the most -hands down- best summer of my life. i honestly miss the way things used to be.
my feelings towards things have changed a lot. i wish that i could get that back.

-porque no te marchas-

i'm trying to get a few things back in order. i don't know why but i really love spanish music, it makes me happy. it's quite possible that it reminds me of things that i wish i never had to let go. i believe that things "happen for a reason" but sometimes i wish that i didn't. mostly because i don't know if that should stop me from pursuing things that i desperately want. and especially if what you want, that didn't "happen" doesn't work.. what now? it wasn't "meant to happen?" i sometimes have a hard time believing that. but i try to stick to it. a lot of really good things have happened because of bad things that have happened. and even though they sucked at first, i'm very grateful for that.
... i know that i'm not perfect. no one is. but i do like the way i am. and if you don't like me then fuck you. =]
but there are some things that i wish that i could fix about myself.. i don't have a bad temper or anything, i just sometimes get irritated easily. and that makes me feel bad.. i don't mean to.
.things i like.
blueberry muffins
iced coffee
getting high
duelo and aventura
chicken nuggets
stickers
hot sauce
holding hands
piano
painting
rain

I tried my best to keep my distance from your dress
but call-response overturns convictions every time.
My memory cannot recall: a wave of alcohol
we shared a cigarette and shave the hours off.

hands against the wall motherfucker!

ABC-Z

A - Age: 19 years young
B - Bed size: Full.
C - Chore you hate: Dishes!
D - Dog's name: Potassium! AKA Tassie.
E - Essential start your day item: Glass of water and a cigarette.
F - Favorite color(s): Purple.
G - Gold or Silver: Silver.
H - Height: 4' 9"
I - Instruments you play: Nada.
J - Job title: Doing jack shit at the moment.
K - Kid(s): None. I hate kids.
L - Living arrangements: You know, you know.
M - Mom's name: April.
N - Nicknames: D Bibbles, DB, Bib, D Berry, Lil Deezy. Hahaha, oh Stillwater fun.
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: A lot of times, But never for me.
P - Pet Peeve: Speed bumps, papercuts, condensation, loud chewing, inkless pens, the radio.
Q - Quote from a movie: I did it when I was a freshman, and you'll do it when you're seniors. Now fry like bacon you little freshman piggies. FRY! *Dazed and Confused.
R - Relationship? Smashinship fuck ships. Ha. None.
S - Siblings: Cori,
T - Time you wake up: When I gotsta'.
U - Underwear: They are black.
V - Vegetable you dislike: Mushrooms, olives, onions (is that a vegetable?)
W - Workout style: Walking around aimlessly?
X - X-rays you've had: None.
Y - Yesterday's best moment: Basketball and pizza dance fun.
Z - Zoo favorite: The whole damn thing!

My Family

So.. This is my family.

From The Passenger Seat

"sex on fire" kings of leon

sometimes, i wonder why i feel the need to be with people all the time. am i that insecure? that i need constand reminding that i have friends or something? i always try to stay out of my house. but everynight when i come stumbling up to the back door looking for my keys and trying to hold my cigarette.. i think to myself. is this really the way that i want to live? getting drunk and high all the time. i know that people say that getting wasted and high just shows how insecure and ignorant a person is. but i dont see it that way. even when i had a lot going for me i still partied. i dont do any too crazy drugs like meth or heroine, but i mean like.. i think its horrible that i do this shit. but i like it. i like getting way to drunk, i like getting high and doing nothing. i like drinking, to where i can finish a whole pack of cigarettes in like 30 minutes, where i dont remember what i was doing, how i loose everything. i know im being stupid. but hell im 19. i dont want to live a boring and traditional life. i like it better when things are backwards and mixed up. but deep in my mind i wish i had all my shit figured out. but i guess i cant do anything about that. until i just realize what im doing is stupid. but im naive. and i admit it.

good luck exploring the infinite abyss.
whats inside my purse?
who made up the saying "its a life or death situation?" .. just wondering.

i cant ever seem to get over him. i think about him constantly. i want him back. i want him back so bad. he has been the only boy that made me feel that way. the only boy that could make me cry. in a good in bad way. the only boy that i cared about like that. you know that feeling? i want that feeling back. i want kevin.

slipknot, korn, all that remains, dirtfedd, violence to vegas, the used.
may 8th concert @ the zoo amphitheatre.

so.. whats in my purse? the million dollar question. or just a dollar question.. whatever is adequate..
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
a volcom bag with every color eyeshadow possible in it
an almost empty pack of djarum black clove cigarettes
a papermate pen
2 packs of camel menthol wides
an eyelash curler
a tin of rose salve
kohl eyeliner in jet black
a tube of burts bees lip shimmer in champagne
a san disk memory card
sunglasses
1 pack of marlboro mediums
1 white bic lighter
1 tube of colossal maybelline mascara
keys
makeup brushes
a speed racer bag with jewlery in it
a tube of mentha lip balm chapstick in peppermint
earrings
metropolitian sticky tabs
1 pink floyd lighter
a blue peace zippo
coconut perfume
2 tubes of mentha lip shine in peppermint and spearmint
redken outshine 01
headphones
a purple ed hardy lighter
my wallet
a grape swisher sweet
a box of prismacolors
a notebook
the book sex, drugs and cocoa puffs

TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SHOOTING STARS AND SATELLITES.