So I think it’s about time that I get over my hate of being alone. I don’t know why it is but I just hate being alone. I thrive off of other people. I just can’t stand silence... I wish that I could be able to stay home and be content with that. But I always want to be anywhere other than home.
I mean is that normal? I don’t think so…
Oh, I’ve been thinking since my camera broke and its killing me not having one… that on my next paycheck I will buy a camera? I mean seriously, it’s driving me crazy not having my camera… ugh!
But the camera that I want is expensive… but I am completely in love with it! It’s a Nikon D60 SLR with 18-55mm VR lens…
Oh my. As soon as I saw it I fell in love.
But I really should be spending my money wisely… but then again I am going to need a camera when I go to my spring break with all the guys and Ashlee… I want to be able to take some good pictures. And disposable cameras really don’t do the trick for me… the quality is low. So… but I don’t know. I want it though. Plus I still have to buy my plane ticket to meet up with the guys and then drive there... maybe if I buy my ticket in advance it will be a little bit cheaper… plus all the expenses with the hotel, food and maybe shopping a little bit… man, why cant everything be free?! Who invented this bullshit of trading green paper for fun stuff? Ha. Right now I’m listening to Spanish music. My family hates it but I love it. They get all annoyed. I can’t help it. I love Aventura and Duelo. And I also love Hector Lavoe. Marc Anthony sings his music well.
I really miss Ashlee.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
my mom hates...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
my mom hates when i imitate the sound the oven timer makes
every time she cooks dinner. ha.
my mom hates when i imitate the sound the oven timer makes
every time she cooks dinner. ha.
Rewind-Hit the lights!
ohhhh.. i want one..
my tiny sized laptop..oh I hate physicals. I hate people I don’t know touching me.
But on the upside I do love sprite.
I hate when I get and important call when I am in the car with no pen or any means of remembering it. I will forget what that person said before I push the end button.. its sad.
Appropriate
Where no one knows alexisonfire
And right now I would love some sunny d… but surprise surprise we aint got shit to drink in this house. Lame.
And by the way.. I hate those stupid green and red squiggly lines that are under words that are grammatically incorrect. Im pretty sure that it annoys me.
Bitter sweet symphony the verve
So I got this new laptop.. a dell inspiron mini 9. its tiny sized. 9.1- 6.8 inches and weighs 2.7 pounds. I mean it fits in my purse. Now I love this one but I also want to buy a bigger one too…
So you know those cereal things.. the wheat square things with the white frosting stuff on one side? Yeah I thought we had some of those, and well to be honest they don’t look so appetizing.. but any who.. I found them and then I was like wtf? These ones have pink frosting because they are strawberry flavored? I don’t like milk. But I figure what the hell I will try them. And the verdict it is… *dun dun dun* they taste like pepto bismol wheat flavored squares.. what ever happened to frosted flakes yo? Ive been locked inside your heart shaped box for weeks…
Sometimes I get my q’s and g’s mixed up. Especially in text. That shit gets confusing. Cause the letter uhh g is rubbed off the key, so I gotta stare at it for a second..
Shimmer by fuel
REWIND-HIT THE LIGHTS!
So I checked my myspace today just to see whats up.. eh, im more for facebook anyways.. but I always fill out tons of those myspace quizzes and surveys, but I never post them, so its just like a gigantic waste of time.. how ever I continue to do them anyways..
Oh my gosh. I love collective soul.
And I really don’t know why but for some reason here lately.. I haven’t really heard from paul, we haven’t seen each other lately... and every time we talk on the phone he never talks.. I don’t even know what the hell he does but I always just end up getting upset with him. He doesn’t understand. I don’t know but I have decided that im done.
Wow, those are so cool! I want space bags! Although I really don’t have a lot of blankets, jackets or anything… but it would be super nifty if I could find something to put in there.. *brainstorming* how about my little sister? HAHAHAHA. Just kidding there is no air in those things. HAHA. I love my sister she is the coolest kid ever. Shes growing up too fast though. She is almost 16! I feel old! But that is what my mom says too but she is only 36.
How can normal tv skip? Its not even a dvd! Not cool.
I love lemonade. When I used to work at charlestons they had this completely bad ass pink lemonade. Oh my. It was yummy. But I seriously HATED working there. Like I would rather die. Needless to say I put my 2 weeks in after like 4 weeks. I couldn’t stand the girls that I worked with. They were fake superficial girls. They had like a little fucking club where if you weren’t on the pom team or didn’t drive a bmw.. you got totally made fun of. I had a Pontiac firebird. I would choose that car over a bmw anyday. I wanted to physically hurt them. Ugh. Next subject.
I have orientation for my new job on Monday. And I am sooo excited! And I even think my bestest friend benjammen is going to come work with me. Cause I asked him to. He is the one that trained me when we worked at touchmark. He was just like your just trying to relive the glory days! Ha.
Well, I think I want to take a shower.. because I love showers. And I got a new bottle of shampoo. And bubbles!
But on the upside I do love sprite.
I hate when I get and important call when I am in the car with no pen or any means of remembering it. I will forget what that person said before I push the end button.. its sad.
Appropriate
Where no one knows alexisonfire
And right now I would love some sunny d… but surprise surprise we aint got shit to drink in this house. Lame.
And by the way.. I hate those stupid green and red squiggly lines that are under words that are grammatically incorrect. Im pretty sure that it annoys me.
Bitter sweet symphony the verve
So I got this new laptop.. a dell inspiron mini 9. its tiny sized. 9.1- 6.8 inches and weighs 2.7 pounds. I mean it fits in my purse. Now I love this one but I also want to buy a bigger one too…
So you know those cereal things.. the wheat square things with the white frosting stuff on one side? Yeah I thought we had some of those, and well to be honest they don’t look so appetizing.. but any who.. I found them and then I was like wtf? These ones have pink frosting because they are strawberry flavored? I don’t like milk. But I figure what the hell I will try them. And the verdict it is… *dun dun dun* they taste like pepto bismol wheat flavored squares.. what ever happened to frosted flakes yo? Ive been locked inside your heart shaped box for weeks…
Sometimes I get my q’s and g’s mixed up. Especially in text. That shit gets confusing. Cause the letter uhh g is rubbed off the key, so I gotta stare at it for a second..
Shimmer by fuel
REWIND-HIT THE LIGHTS!
So I checked my myspace today just to see whats up.. eh, im more for facebook anyways.. but I always fill out tons of those myspace quizzes and surveys, but I never post them, so its just like a gigantic waste of time.. how ever I continue to do them anyways..
Oh my gosh. I love collective soul.
And I really don’t know why but for some reason here lately.. I haven’t really heard from paul, we haven’t seen each other lately... and every time we talk on the phone he never talks.. I don’t even know what the hell he does but I always just end up getting upset with him. He doesn’t understand. I don’t know but I have decided that im done.
Wow, those are so cool! I want space bags! Although I really don’t have a lot of blankets, jackets or anything… but it would be super nifty if I could find something to put in there.. *brainstorming* how about my little sister? HAHAHAHA. Just kidding there is no air in those things. HAHA. I love my sister she is the coolest kid ever. Shes growing up too fast though. She is almost 16! I feel old! But that is what my mom says too but she is only 36.
How can normal tv skip? Its not even a dvd! Not cool.
I love lemonade. When I used to work at charlestons they had this completely bad ass pink lemonade. Oh my. It was yummy. But I seriously HATED working there. Like I would rather die. Needless to say I put my 2 weeks in after like 4 weeks. I couldn’t stand the girls that I worked with. They were fake superficial girls. They had like a little fucking club where if you weren’t on the pom team or didn’t drive a bmw.. you got totally made fun of. I had a Pontiac firebird. I would choose that car over a bmw anyday. I wanted to physically hurt them. Ugh. Next subject.
I have orientation for my new job on Monday. And I am sooo excited! And I even think my bestest friend benjammen is going to come work with me. Cause I asked him to. He is the one that trained me when we worked at touchmark. He was just like your just trying to relive the glory days! Ha.
Well, I think I want to take a shower.. because I love showers. And I got a new bottle of shampoo. And bubbles!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
JADED IN ANGER
You know for the longest time I have everything planned out. I had this whole idea in my head. And now…
So much for that. I had it stuck in my head that everything I wanted was just going to be so perfect.
I spent all of my time figuring out what I wanted and what would make me happy
But what I forgot was all the fine print.
There goes the end of that dream.
And you know what?
When someone or something gives you a chance at something better... take it and do it well.
Don’t slack off because you think it won’t help you in the future. Chances are… it will.
And now my future is messed up because of the angst ridden teenager that I used to be.
Is there really anything that can help me now?
I lost myself in the process of finding out what I thought was necessary to succeed in life.
Now I don’t know what to think.
I lost everything that was important because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.
When you hear everyday that your going to become nothing in life, that you cant succeed, that you wont make it out on your own..
It gets to you. You start to believe it. And in the end the only person you’re hurting is yourself
Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t deserve what you want.
So much for that. I had it stuck in my head that everything I wanted was just going to be so perfect.
I spent all of my time figuring out what I wanted and what would make me happy
But what I forgot was all the fine print.
There goes the end of that dream.
And you know what?
When someone or something gives you a chance at something better... take it and do it well.
Don’t slack off because you think it won’t help you in the future. Chances are… it will.
And now my future is messed up because of the angst ridden teenager that I used to be.
Is there really anything that can help me now?
I lost myself in the process of finding out what I thought was necessary to succeed in life.
Now I don’t know what to think.
I lost everything that was important because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.
When you hear everyday that your going to become nothing in life, that you cant succeed, that you wont make it out on your own..
It gets to you. You start to believe it. And in the end the only person you’re hurting is yourself
Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t deserve what you want.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
muffins (that has nothing to do with this i just want one) ha.
Poppy seed muffins
Blueberry muffins
Banana nut muffins
Well... any kind of muffin. Ha.
Poison Ivy (the movie) (not the plant)
What?! Friends listen to endless love in the dark!
Happy Gilmore
1979 by Smashing Pumpkins
I want to see the movie “Watchmen” hopefully they will let it play…
You know… sometimes I wish that I didn’t get so paranoid. It really bothers me a lot. Like me and Paul haven’t talked in a few days. We texted a little bit. But like after he took me home he said that he would call when he got home. And he didn’t even though I texted him a couple of times. Then I texted him in the morning to make sure that everything was okay and nothing… the texted and he said he was sick, and it was late in the afternoon. Then he said he had to go to work until 10 pm. And I thought that when he closed he got out at 9:30 and he said he would call after work. Its midnight and he hasn’t called. But around 10:45 he texted and said he was going to shower and then call me. Well now it’s midnight and he hasn’t called. I’m not mad it’s just I get irritated easily at things like that. Like when we talk in the phone and the whole time he’s talking to someone else in the room with him, or he doesn’t feel like talking and just wants me to talk. I don’t want to talk to myself, it’s no fun. I don’t know I just seem to sometimes have high standards for guys I date. But it’s been almost 3 days since we have talked. And something I always notice is that every guy I date is super sweet. And at the beginning of the relationship the guy and I are always constantly texting and talking. And like after a while not so much anymore. I mean I know he has a job but what has changed that he can’t talk as much anymore. My ex-boyfriend used to talk for hours and hours and we seriously texted so much like 24/7. It got to the point where everyone was annoyed by it. And then at some point, it stopped. Maybe I’m just paranoid because I notice things I noticed when Kevin and I were drifting apart. But Paul and I aren’t even going out yet… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just trying to find things about him I don’t like… I do like him but I am nervous about starting something. I don’t know. I feel as if I go out with him I’m stuck here in Oklahoma. Even though I know that he doesn’t want to be here either. But I want to go back to Houston. He said that he will go with me but I just don’t know how he would fit it. And I love my friends to death in Houston but I don’t know if they would accept him. He’s white. I mean that sounds horrible but things are different there. I don’t think he should have to change his life anyways. Not for me at least. I’m not that important. I just. It makes me mad. I mean me and Kevin still talk. Not a lot. But we do. He still loves me and when I brought up my new job he was like oh so I guess you’re kind of staying in Oklahoma permanently… and I don’t know I love him. But I can’t tell if the reason why I love him is because I really care for him or if I’m just stuck on him because I had to move away and I never got to find out what was going to happen with us. Maybe it’s because I still wonder what would have happened with me and Kevin if I wasn’t forced to move back to Oklahoma. I mean I know that things are never going to happen with me and him now. I mean the job I have I want to keep. I want to have it as a permanent job for a while. And I have things that I want in 2 different states. I can’t seem to pick which state I want to stay in. I mean how selfish is that? I’m hurting 2 different boys. Because I’m a self centered bastard. I don’t know I think all I need to just decide what I want to do and I need to figure it out fast. I mean I feel like maybe I am possibly leading on two guys... but at the same time I think that maybe I am just leading on one guy. Because I do know that I like one guy. So he finally called me at 12:45. But the conversation is so lame. He never talks anymore. I feel like I’m talking to myself. And that’s depressing. I think the reason why I won’t go out with him is because I know he’s too good for me. He will get fed up with me and then he’ll leave me. Then I will be stuck on wanting him. I’ll get used to him and then he will be gone and I will be left heartbroken. I really can’t handle that again. I just can’t. Maybe I am just making a big deal out of nothing. He’s not doing anything wrong. He does everything right. I think I’m just paranoid. That is my biggest problem. I over think and over analyze everything. I’m just a freak. Either I’m missing out on something that could change my life or I’m making the right choice by playing it safe. But I have a feeling that playing it safe is wrong. This is my life. If something is going to change my life I’m going to let it. Like I always say good things can happen because of bad things that happen. So if this ends badly, then I will have learned from it and I will be a stronger person from it and move on. Nothing can keep me down anymore. At least I hope not. =]
Blueberry muffins
Banana nut muffins
Well... any kind of muffin. Ha.
Poison Ivy (the movie) (not the plant)
What?! Friends listen to endless love in the dark!
Happy Gilmore
1979 by Smashing Pumpkins
I want to see the movie “Watchmen” hopefully they will let it play…
You know… sometimes I wish that I didn’t get so paranoid. It really bothers me a lot. Like me and Paul haven’t talked in a few days. We texted a little bit. But like after he took me home he said that he would call when he got home. And he didn’t even though I texted him a couple of times. Then I texted him in the morning to make sure that everything was okay and nothing… the texted and he said he was sick, and it was late in the afternoon. Then he said he had to go to work until 10 pm. And I thought that when he closed he got out at 9:30 and he said he would call after work. Its midnight and he hasn’t called. But around 10:45 he texted and said he was going to shower and then call me. Well now it’s midnight and he hasn’t called. I’m not mad it’s just I get irritated easily at things like that. Like when we talk in the phone and the whole time he’s talking to someone else in the room with him, or he doesn’t feel like talking and just wants me to talk. I don’t want to talk to myself, it’s no fun. I don’t know I just seem to sometimes have high standards for guys I date. But it’s been almost 3 days since we have talked. And something I always notice is that every guy I date is super sweet. And at the beginning of the relationship the guy and I are always constantly texting and talking. And like after a while not so much anymore. I mean I know he has a job but what has changed that he can’t talk as much anymore. My ex-boyfriend used to talk for hours and hours and we seriously texted so much like 24/7. It got to the point where everyone was annoyed by it. And then at some point, it stopped. Maybe I’m just paranoid because I notice things I noticed when Kevin and I were drifting apart. But Paul and I aren’t even going out yet… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just trying to find things about him I don’t like… I do like him but I am nervous about starting something. I don’t know. I feel as if I go out with him I’m stuck here in Oklahoma. Even though I know that he doesn’t want to be here either. But I want to go back to Houston. He said that he will go with me but I just don’t know how he would fit it. And I love my friends to death in Houston but I don’t know if they would accept him. He’s white. I mean that sounds horrible but things are different there. I don’t think he should have to change his life anyways. Not for me at least. I’m not that important. I just. It makes me mad. I mean me and Kevin still talk. Not a lot. But we do. He still loves me and when I brought up my new job he was like oh so I guess you’re kind of staying in Oklahoma permanently… and I don’t know I love him. But I can’t tell if the reason why I love him is because I really care for him or if I’m just stuck on him because I had to move away and I never got to find out what was going to happen with us. Maybe it’s because I still wonder what would have happened with me and Kevin if I wasn’t forced to move back to Oklahoma. I mean I know that things are never going to happen with me and him now. I mean the job I have I want to keep. I want to have it as a permanent job for a while. And I have things that I want in 2 different states. I can’t seem to pick which state I want to stay in. I mean how selfish is that? I’m hurting 2 different boys. Because I’m a self centered bastard. I don’t know I think all I need to just decide what I want to do and I need to figure it out fast. I mean I feel like maybe I am possibly leading on two guys... but at the same time I think that maybe I am just leading on one guy. Because I do know that I like one guy. So he finally called me at 12:45. But the conversation is so lame. He never talks anymore. I feel like I’m talking to myself. And that’s depressing. I think the reason why I won’t go out with him is because I know he’s too good for me. He will get fed up with me and then he’ll leave me. Then I will be stuck on wanting him. I’ll get used to him and then he will be gone and I will be left heartbroken. I really can’t handle that again. I just can’t. Maybe I am just making a big deal out of nothing. He’s not doing anything wrong. He does everything right. I think I’m just paranoid. That is my biggest problem. I over think and over analyze everything. I’m just a freak. Either I’m missing out on something that could change my life or I’m making the right choice by playing it safe. But I have a feeling that playing it safe is wrong. This is my life. If something is going to change my life I’m going to let it. Like I always say good things can happen because of bad things that happen. So if this ends badly, then I will have learned from it and I will be a stronger person from it and move on. Nothing can keep me down anymore. At least I hope not. =]
PEOPLE ARE SO RUDE!
how can people be so rude?
i mean i can't stand people who are rude and conceited. people that think they are better than everyone else. people who are superficial and fake. i don't like racist people.
how can people care more about the outside than the inside?
but question.. not liking racist people isn't racist is it? I'm thinking no because you can be male, female, white, african american, hispanic, asian.. anything to be racist. it's not just one group of people. it can be everyone. anyone.
i mean i went to highschool with kids like that. i mean edmond north. in edmond. that's about as superficial as it gets for oklahoma highschools. i mean i would meet people from different cities and they would ask where i was from. as soon as i said edmond every response i would get is "oh, your one of them. one of those superficial girls" no' i'm not. honestly, i don't even find myself attractive, but everyone sees people differently. i think everybody is pretty. i don't think that where you live should define the person that you are. i mean it is true the girls i went to highschool with didn't make it pleasant for alot of girls. i got teased but i would never take it seriously. im a very shy person unless your an asshole, then i can be a bitch. there is something im trying to spit out but im trying to figure out if by me sayting this am i one of those girls. i mean more that 75 percent of the girls i went to highschool with were either a cheerleader or on the pom, the dance team and also softball. i mean pretty much all of them had blonde hair, drove a bmw or a mercedes that their mommy and daddy bought them, they all had the same coach purse. and they all wore basically the same outfit. i mean they made girls that weren't like that feel like we weren't good enough. what makes them so god damn special that they can judge anyone whos a little bit different? that they can tease other girls? because they have money? their parents money? i mean one of my ex-boyfriends lived in a totally different city than i did. i met him in the city he lived in. my friend introduced me and before he even met me, he had decided that since i was from edmond i was one of those snobby, rich and conceited girls. and i hate that. my parents do have alot of money but they work hard for it. i don't get money from my parents. and you know what? after me and him talked for a while. this is what he said: "wow, when i was told you were coming, i expected that you were one of those girls. thats why i didn't even acknowledge you. i assumed that that's how you were. but after i got to know you.. you are one of the most real girls i've ever met. i mean you dont care about superficial stuff.." i dont know if by saying this makes me like the girls that im talking about.. but i cant stand people that are superficial. money isn't everything. and people that think it's okay to judge people before getting to know them are wrong. very wrong. because no one is better than anyone else.
i mean i can't stand people who are rude and conceited. people that think they are better than everyone else. people who are superficial and fake. i don't like racist people.
how can people care more about the outside than the inside?
but question.. not liking racist people isn't racist is it? I'm thinking no because you can be male, female, white, african american, hispanic, asian.. anything to be racist. it's not just one group of people. it can be everyone. anyone.
i mean i went to highschool with kids like that. i mean edmond north. in edmond. that's about as superficial as it gets for oklahoma highschools. i mean i would meet people from different cities and they would ask where i was from. as soon as i said edmond every response i would get is "oh, your one of them. one of those superficial girls" no' i'm not. honestly, i don't even find myself attractive, but everyone sees people differently. i think everybody is pretty. i don't think that where you live should define the person that you are. i mean it is true the girls i went to highschool with didn't make it pleasant for alot of girls. i got teased but i would never take it seriously. im a very shy person unless your an asshole, then i can be a bitch. there is something im trying to spit out but im trying to figure out if by me sayting this am i one of those girls. i mean more that 75 percent of the girls i went to highschool with were either a cheerleader or on the pom, the dance team and also softball. i mean pretty much all of them had blonde hair, drove a bmw or a mercedes that their mommy and daddy bought them, they all had the same coach purse. and they all wore basically the same outfit. i mean they made girls that weren't like that feel like we weren't good enough. what makes them so god damn special that they can judge anyone whos a little bit different? that they can tease other girls? because they have money? their parents money? i mean one of my ex-boyfriends lived in a totally different city than i did. i met him in the city he lived in. my friend introduced me and before he even met me, he had decided that since i was from edmond i was one of those snobby, rich and conceited girls. and i hate that. my parents do have alot of money but they work hard for it. i don't get money from my parents. and you know what? after me and him talked for a while. this is what he said: "wow, when i was told you were coming, i expected that you were one of those girls. thats why i didn't even acknowledge you. i assumed that that's how you were. but after i got to know you.. you are one of the most real girls i've ever met. i mean you dont care about superficial stuff.." i dont know if by saying this makes me like the girls that im talking about.. but i cant stand people that are superficial. money isn't everything. and people that think it's okay to judge people before getting to know them are wrong. very wrong. because no one is better than anyone else.
Monday, February 2, 2009
the arts institute
ugh. you have to be fucking kidding with me...
i had that call today from the arts institute and they said that they can't push forward with all of the details because my asshole of a dad doesn't support me in my decision to go to this school. which is bullshit.
if he ruins this for me.. i swear me and him will be done. me and my dad have never got along and the only reason i moved back in with them is because my mom begged me to come back and i moved back for my little sister. he knows that i have no problem cutting him out of my life, i have before. i never really liked him anyways. plus he actually is my step dad. i mean i've gone more than a year without talking to him. we don't like each other. simple as that.
does it not matter that i'll be 19 in 3 months?
this is bullshit.
i had that call today from the arts institute and they said that they can't push forward with all of the details because my asshole of a dad doesn't support me in my decision to go to this school. which is bullshit.
if he ruins this for me.. i swear me and him will be done. me and my dad have never got along and the only reason i moved back in with them is because my mom begged me to come back and i moved back for my little sister. he knows that i have no problem cutting him out of my life, i have before. i never really liked him anyways. plus he actually is my step dad. i mean i've gone more than a year without talking to him. we don't like each other. simple as that.
does it not matter that i'll be 19 in 3 months?
this is bullshit.
what's been going on...
I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB!
ah. i'm so excited. i applied over the internet and then i got a call a few days later. the interview went really good. i mean we spent more time talking about things that weren't related to the interview and then we'd be like oh yeah the interview. ha.
so now i have to buy a long sleeve button up white shirt, AND A TIE!
ha, i'm super excited about that, i've always wanted a job that i got to wear a tie at. lol. but i think i want to buy a super crazy colorful tie though. ha. i do have a black volcom tie too.
but yeah. and then today i have an confrence call with the arts institute of dallas. i'm excited about that.
too bad my dad is an asshole and told me he wasn't supporting me in that school and my mom is busy today..
new subject..
oh more on the wreck room...
it was really cool before we left for the club we had to wait on a few people.. and it was dark outside and we had glow sticks. so we broke the glow sticks open and splattered the glow stick stuff all over the apartment. ha, i mean ceilings, walls, floors, couch, tv, everything had spots of glowing stuff. it was really awesome to look at. we smeared it on the fan and then turned it on and so it was like a spinning glowing circle. ha.
but it was really fun at the club. afterward we went to a little get together and the 2 guys that i danced with it was like the wreck room but smaller.. if you know what i mean. ha. it was fun.
but hey.. ha
so i found out that my cousin kaila is like talking to my ex boyfriend/current bestfriend anthony. they really didn't tell me.. so that makes me rethink our closeness.. it was just weird because i found out right before we went to the wreck room.. but he came with us.. it was just really weird for me to see them together. so at first the club was lame cause i was so pissed. but whatever. it's just like my cousin and my bestfriend what the fuck?
of all the guys in the world she had to pick him?
she said if you want me to back off then i will.
i was like well it's a little too late for that now isn't it..
i dont know it's just weird. i talked to benjammen about it and he really helped me make sense of what i was feeling..
i do love anthony but like a bestfriend/brother. i've known him since i was 14. i'll be 19 in 3 months.. it's been a long time. i think the biggest reason why i was upset was i felt betrayed by both of them. i told my cousin to go for it. i cant stop her from going out with him, i'm not going to come inbetween them. but i know i deserve better for myself.
anyways.. that was just some stuff i had been thinking about..
8 1030
ah. i'm so excited. i applied over the internet and then i got a call a few days later. the interview went really good. i mean we spent more time talking about things that weren't related to the interview and then we'd be like oh yeah the interview. ha.
so now i have to buy a long sleeve button up white shirt, AND A TIE!
ha, i'm super excited about that, i've always wanted a job that i got to wear a tie at. lol. but i think i want to buy a super crazy colorful tie though. ha. i do have a black volcom tie too.
but yeah. and then today i have an confrence call with the arts institute of dallas. i'm excited about that.
too bad my dad is an asshole and told me he wasn't supporting me in that school and my mom is busy today..
new subject..
oh more on the wreck room...
it was really cool before we left for the club we had to wait on a few people.. and it was dark outside and we had glow sticks. so we broke the glow sticks open and splattered the glow stick stuff all over the apartment. ha, i mean ceilings, walls, floors, couch, tv, everything had spots of glowing stuff. it was really awesome to look at. we smeared it on the fan and then turned it on and so it was like a spinning glowing circle. ha.
but it was really fun at the club. afterward we went to a little get together and the 2 guys that i danced with it was like the wreck room but smaller.. if you know what i mean. ha. it was fun.
but hey.. ha
so i found out that my cousin kaila is like talking to my ex boyfriend/current bestfriend anthony. they really didn't tell me.. so that makes me rethink our closeness.. it was just weird because i found out right before we went to the wreck room.. but he came with us.. it was just really weird for me to see them together. so at first the club was lame cause i was so pissed. but whatever. it's just like my cousin and my bestfriend what the fuck?
of all the guys in the world she had to pick him?
she said if you want me to back off then i will.
i was like well it's a little too late for that now isn't it..
i dont know it's just weird. i talked to benjammen about it and he really helped me make sense of what i was feeling..
i do love anthony but like a bestfriend/brother. i've known him since i was 14. i'll be 19 in 3 months.. it's been a long time. i think the biggest reason why i was upset was i felt betrayed by both of them. i told my cousin to go for it. i cant stop her from going out with him, i'm not going to come inbetween them. but i know i deserve better for myself.
anyways.. that was just some stuff i had been thinking about..
8 1030
Sunday, February 1, 2009
the wreck room
Random thoughts:
I want chocolate covered strawberries.
I want some sweet lemonade.
Horatio and his damn sunglasses. Mostly cause he is tha shit. Ha.
Mashed potatoes.
A box of crayola markers.
Socks.
I hate wearing socks when I sleep.
I don’t like m&m’s.
I do like skittles though.
This seems to be all about food…
The more he talks, the louder I will turn up the TV.
I love marathons. Of CSI.
so today i went to a gay club for the first time. called the wreck room.
it was actually pretty cool. im pretty pissed that i forgot to bring my camera. but i did take pictures with my phone but they arent very good.. anyways maybe i will upload them late. i mean they arent very good...
but one thing that i did do was give a drag queen a kiss and gave her a dollar from my mouth. ha.
im not gay or anything but it was fun dancing.
and i got almost completley butt raped by two gay guys. we were dancing and i had one behind me and one in front of me and the guy in front of me pushed me into the guy behind me who was basically humping the shit out of me. i mean we were just dancing but it was pretty intense.. well its like 4 in the morning so ima call it a night and ill add more in the morning...
I want chocolate covered strawberries.
I want some sweet lemonade.
Horatio and his damn sunglasses. Mostly cause he is tha shit. Ha.
Mashed potatoes.
A box of crayola markers.
Socks.
I hate wearing socks when I sleep.
I don’t like m&m’s.
I do like skittles though.
This seems to be all about food…
The more he talks, the louder I will turn up the TV.
I love marathons. Of CSI.
so today i went to a gay club for the first time. called the wreck room.
it was actually pretty cool. im pretty pissed that i forgot to bring my camera. but i did take pictures with my phone but they arent very good.. anyways maybe i will upload them late. i mean they arent very good...
but one thing that i did do was give a drag queen a kiss and gave her a dollar from my mouth. ha.
im not gay or anything but it was fun dancing.
and i got almost completley butt raped by two gay guys. we were dancing and i had one behind me and one in front of me and the guy in front of me pushed me into the guy behind me who was basically humping the shit out of me. i mean we were just dancing but it was pretty intense.. well its like 4 in the morning so ima call it a night and ill add more in the morning...
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