Paulie Bear

God.. I love the titanic. It is so romantic. It doesn’t hurt that Leonardo Dicaprio is completely gorgeous. Ah.
I’ve decided that I want to meet someone that changes my life. Like jack and rose. =] hahahahahahahaha.
But wait.. I think I already have.. And his name is Paul.
You know.. Ever since Kevin I have decided that I was never going to let anyone get close to me like that.. But one night I was basically forced by Kaila to go to her friends house one night.. I was expecting a room full of weird ass kids who drink cheap beer with bad music taste and guys who in detail explain on how they got into this fight and totally kicked this guy’s ass. Of course they add their own sound effects. But instead I met Paul.. We played quarters and flirted the whole night..
I never thought it would come out to this.. I never expected to see him again. But since that night… we have talked everyday since. Its crazy.. At first I never thought that he would like me as much as he says he does now.. And I didn’t expect to like him as much as I do. Don’t get me wrong.. I do like him. Alot. I just never expected it. I keep saying expect.. Hmm…
But anyways, I don’t know.. we talk. Like really talk. We can have deep conversations with each other. He helps me to make sense of everything in my head. Sometimes he surprises me.. he can immediately tell when I’m sad, upset, mad, hungry or bored.. he can always tell when I’m lying. Every time.. he always knows it. Sometimes it weird’s me out. I do sometimes have trouble talking to him about myself.. I’ve gone through so many things that I hope no one has to go through. So sometimes I feel like I take things out on him that other people did to me. I make myself distant as to not get close to him. I want to. He says he’s different than any other guy I will ever meet.. and I mean I trust him. I do. I want to. But trust him with my heart? Let down that wall and let him through? Now that I cant seem to do. I desperately want to though. I feel comfortable with him, I can be myself. All weird and goofy. He thinks I’m cute and adorable. He tells me that I’m pretty, smart, talented, sexy.. Everything that a girl wants to hear. He even thinks my underwear are cute. Ha. He is the sweetest guy ever. I’ve spent all my time dating immature guys hoping they would grow up and love me the way I loved them. I can see myself with Paul for a long time.. Although I would never tell him that. I feel as if I were to do that.. he would.. I don’t know, stop trying. I want that perfect love story. Although It probably doesn’t exist.. but I want him to do all the right things.. flowers, dates, dancing, movies, parks. But one thing that I absolutely love about Paul is he notices all of the little things. He knows my favorite color. What cigarettes I prefer. That I’m too shy to tell him if I’m hungry or thirsty. Or when I start to get antsy because he plays game after game of call of duty.. he knows when I’m thinking of something by just the way I look, he know that if I start looking through my purse that I am nervous. He loves to cuddle and be close to me, he likes to hear my voice. He reads, he’s very intelligent, smart. And he has big beautiful eyes. He’s goofy and loves to hold my hand. I really like this guy. He’s not too much older than me, he’s only 20. he’ll turn 21 5 days after I turn 19.. I really hope that this lasts. Were not even officially going out yet, we are just dating. It’s my fault. I want to but I’m scared of getting my heart broken again. I blame every other guy that I have dated that treated me like shit for the reason why I can’t seem to accept feelings for a guy that actually cares for me. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I mean we get along so good. He has good taste in music, we read together, I talk shit to him and he talks it back. I never mean the stupid things I say to him, we just goof off. But even though I’m a big baby and actually get kind of sad when he makes fun of me. Ha. I know that he is just kidding. I call him Paulie Bear and he calls me Squishy. [squishy off of Finding Nemo] ha. I even made him a bracelet that says that and he wears it. And that makes me happier than he could ever imagine. And I make him goofy things and he keeps them. Ah I could go on forever about him.. but I should probably end it here. A cigarette sounds good right now.
As soon as I can find a gosh darn lighter…